My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
