My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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