You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize