I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
