She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I fill condoms, not promises.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
