There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
