so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i have two assholes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
