I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I AM VODKA MAN
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
