I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
