so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My pussy is not your playground.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
