I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everything about him screamed your future.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
