i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
