I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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