you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
