Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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