census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
