A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
