Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
