this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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