He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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