I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
