Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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