If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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