Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
