She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
