I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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