forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
