That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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