Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
