He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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