If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize