Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm at about main and main street
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
