If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
