I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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