you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
