She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
