This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
