Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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