it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
