Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
