Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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