there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
