dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
