sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
