dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
