Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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