C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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