You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
