I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He better not be in your backpack
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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