TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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