Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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