I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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