New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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