i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My vagina is officially offended.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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