In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
