i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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