WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
