in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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