I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
