just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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