is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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