i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize