Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
