Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
