you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
