for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
