Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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