Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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