Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
