Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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